After my last post, I got up, walked to the kitchen, made soup and came right back here.
If I didn’t give birth to it or marry it, then it has got to get out of my house. The situation with African nephew is driving me nuts. He stays out of the way but even that gets on my nerves. I really even fail to be able to explain this adequately, but spending all of this effort on someone who will not even talk to you, is focused on video games and other nonsense, and does zero to help with anything is at its end.
I will no longer be involved with people or places that are so politically intolerant that rational discussions cannot even take place, my mother excepted. Though, I may just sneak over there and set the parental controls on her DirecTV to block Fox News and all of their fearmongering.
I am tired of hearing things that are universally true (preschool is good for three year olds) turned into some nonsensical political argument (it will make them dependent on government and they will grow up to vote for Obama! It’s part of his master plan.) They are welcome to their opinion, but I will no longer be silent in the face of ignorance, wrong facts, and bullshit.
I will continue to strive to give people the benefit of the doubt. I think that everyone does the best they can with what they have. I’m tired of hearing blanket condemnations of whole groups of people: Muslims, Homosexuals, Boy Scouts, etc.
I know that a lot of tolerance can go a long way. And where tolerance leaves off, mind your own business. Concentrate on living your own life up to your own high standards and leave other people alone with your opinions of what they should be doing. They are struggling, just like you. Give them a hand instead.
By last Thursday, I was a shell of myself. Tired, cranky, and nearly constant heart flutters that the doctor is totally unconcerned about, unless I start having other BIG BAD SYMPTOMS. The four day weekend couldn’t come soon enough. I dropped my son off at preschool on Friday, came home, sunk into my chair and contemplated my to do list.
I moved, “go to sleep” to the top and did just that for 3 1/2 hours. I remembered that sometimes low magnesium can cause heart palpitations and popped a supplement, which I haven’t even remembered to take for months now. A few days of rest, supplements, and things are getting clearer to me now.
There is too much noise in my life. The noise inside my head with its constant litany of what I have to do for school which is a never ending list that should not reasonably be expected of one person. The noise of others political opinions when my mother tells me in the middle of the McDonald’s playland “When you wake up and realize what HE (Obama) is doing, you let me know,” or when an unemployed relative posts nonsense about the (nonexistent) 28th Amendment and I can’t quite walk away from Facebook fast enough. The noise of teaching in a politically intolerant atmosphere where “I voted for Obama” has to be as closely a guarded secret as something that is shameful and criminal. The noise of trying to refind my spiritual center in the middle of a life that is structured in such a way that for me, it is simply impossible.
Changes need to be made.
I asked a dear priest friend once, “how do you know when it is time to move on?” He told me, “If you listen carefully, you really will know.”
It’s time to move on. I need to find my peace again. I need my future to look different than my present, and I hope it’s a wonderful ride.
If not, I’ll have to send my mother a postcard from the new communist state and tell her “you were right.”
Frankly, I cannot wait for the election to be over and for President Obama to win re-election and allow the Repubs to go lick their wounds and dream of future domination.
My African husband can’t seem to get enough news. It is a steady stream of MSNBC over here. If I could hook him up to an IV of straight Democratic news, I would. Then I wouldn’t have to listen to Ed Shultz any more.
When I visit my uber Republican mother, she shakes her head in my general direction, declares that nothing can be done with me, and expresses her sheer terror at the possibility of an Obama re-election. Questioning her on this gets me no where…why? What is so different about America now than four years ago? From my perspective, I have great health insurance through the full time job my husband has had for the past 18 months. Life seems better. She remains horrified.
And mostly, I want to take her by the shoulders and give her a good shake the next time she says, “I do not understand how someone as smart as you are could be a Democrat.”
Why am I Democrat? Because my religious faith says that I have to give a shit about others, that’s why. I think everyone has a right to live a dignified life and have access to health care. I’ve worked with immigrants. I’ve worked with the poor. I understand how our current system closes them off from the opportunity that the Repubs love to tout as a way to “pull yourself up.” I know that the gap between the haves and have nots is ever widening and most importantly I understand how the “haves” who hold power are ensuring that it remains so forever.
I do not want true socialism. I do not want communism.
I want everyone to have a chance.
After I wrote this, I went and took a shower. Something about hot water + scalp massage gets a girl thinking. I considered the incredibly humanitarian work that our former Democratic Presidents Clinton and Carter have embarked upon. Incredible work. The former Republican Presidents Bush? Reagan? Ford? What did they do after they left office, other than build libraries in their memory?